Wednesday, November 10, 2004
sticks and stones.
chern: what on earth are heelies? are they the shoes with the wheels in 'em? ban 'em! ban 'em!
dude: i hope your mom agrees ;)
haz: sticks and stones indeed. saw zara's pic... isn't she a little cutie!
unicorn: thank you for your advice. still, if someone were to strike you from behind, would you allow them to just beat you up? im not one for a first strike, but if someone strikes me first, im not going to let them go that easy.
ric: you may not even know me, yet you stick up for me. i am honoured. thank you, friend.
kev: plenty love back!
moomoo: sigh... there you go again, claiming to know about me, when in fact, you don't even know me.
let me set things straight for you, moomoo.
first, you don't know anything about me, if you heard it from anyone but me.
second, if you think you can come here and slander me, while hiding comfortably behind a nickname (and it is slander by law, mind you), then it is you who has the real credibility problem.
if you have an issue with me and my personal life, be honest about it... come out of that cozy little hole of yours, tell me who you are, and tell me to my face.
should you choose not to, then you are no better than anyone else who chooses to whisper, shout, or in your case publish, malicious claims about me.
sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, least of all yours moomoo, will never break me. remember that.
kai: hearsay, to me, is like knowing nothing at all.
gai3: girl, we got to meet up.
fade0: time for a new job? no. in the beginning it really seemed like my only option.
now? let a few people bring me down? dammit, no. im going to stick with it. hold my head up and face it with a smile.
dude: i hope your mom agrees ;)
haz: sticks and stones indeed. saw zara's pic... isn't she a little cutie!
unicorn: thank you for your advice. still, if someone were to strike you from behind, would you allow them to just beat you up? im not one for a first strike, but if someone strikes me first, im not going to let them go that easy.
ric: you may not even know me, yet you stick up for me. i am honoured. thank you, friend.
kev: plenty love back!
moomoo: sigh... there you go again, claiming to know about me, when in fact, you don't even know me.
let me set things straight for you, moomoo.
first, you don't know anything about me, if you heard it from anyone but me.
second, if you think you can come here and slander me, while hiding comfortably behind a nickname (and it is slander by law, mind you), then it is you who has the real credibility problem.
if you have an issue with me and my personal life, be honest about it... come out of that cozy little hole of yours, tell me who you are, and tell me to my face.
should you choose not to, then you are no better than anyone else who chooses to whisper, shout, or in your case publish, malicious claims about me.
sticks and stones may break my bones, but words, least of all yours moomoo, will never break me. remember that.
kai: hearsay, to me, is like knowing nothing at all.
gai3: girl, we got to meet up.
fade0: time for a new job? no. in the beginning it really seemed like my only option.
now? let a few people bring me down? dammit, no. im going to stick with it. hold my head up and face it with a smile.
Monday, November 08, 2004
afterthoughts.
hani: thank you.
[k]: ive been wanting to see you guys again for a while, but something always seems to pop up at the wrong time. im sorry about that, and yes, let's do something about it, shall we.
dkat: dont worry, just knowing you guys are 'lurking' in this space is enough comfort as it is.
moomoo: if you like, i can give you the said parties' contact details. you are more than welcome to go and have tea with them and bitch about me. i hope you will remember i have implicated not one name here in my 'defence' and i am merely expressing my disappointment at lost friendship and at what i feel has been a huge betrayal of my trust and intentions. i should think i am allowed to express my feelings in my own space, am i not correct?
if my thoughts and character are simply too sugary for you, you may avoid this unfortunate 'diabetic' reaction by not surfing here again. you would be doing yourself a favour.
about the media industry, it is a vicious one that thrives on gossip and badmouthing others. i would like to believe it is possible to do well without stooping to that level. if you would like to believe all you hear about me, you are welcome. but remember, if i ever make it to the top of this game, i did it through merit and by sheer hard work. i did it without sleeping my way there, and with my heart and conscience in the right place. i do not have to answer to you, or anybody else for that matter, but to the people i love and God.
by gladly listening to what your media industry friends have to say about me, without even knowing me in person, you have judged me. i must say you have made a fine display of practicing what you preach, and that you have indeed beautifully honed your own skills of listening to 'both sides of the story'.
kai: thank you darling. you are my rock and i love you.
elsa: welcome to the industry dear. no woman, butt ugly or otherwise, can say what she thinks or progress up the ladder without inviting 'the talk'. be prepared for worse if you are highly-charged, passionate, idealistic and, oh, if you like to dress up. i mean... you cannot possibly have done well purely by enthusiasm or brains, can you?
you either sink, or swim. and if you decide to swim, swim to win.
dude: wise words, my friend :)
fade0: TM here does not refer to Tengku Mahaleel. it is, as outlined at the bottom of the entry, a little joke shared between chern and gang, which in this case i have used to avoid naming names or giving away too many details about what actually transpired.
i have done this to avoid causing embarassment to all the people involved, and also in the event i decide to take legal action.
[k]: ive been wanting to see you guys again for a while, but something always seems to pop up at the wrong time. im sorry about that, and yes, let's do something about it, shall we.
dkat: dont worry, just knowing you guys are 'lurking' in this space is enough comfort as it is.
moomoo: if you like, i can give you the said parties' contact details. you are more than welcome to go and have tea with them and bitch about me. i hope you will remember i have implicated not one name here in my 'defence' and i am merely expressing my disappointment at lost friendship and at what i feel has been a huge betrayal of my trust and intentions. i should think i am allowed to express my feelings in my own space, am i not correct?
if my thoughts and character are simply too sugary for you, you may avoid this unfortunate 'diabetic' reaction by not surfing here again. you would be doing yourself a favour.
about the media industry, it is a vicious one that thrives on gossip and badmouthing others. i would like to believe it is possible to do well without stooping to that level. if you would like to believe all you hear about me, you are welcome. but remember, if i ever make it to the top of this game, i did it through merit and by sheer hard work. i did it without sleeping my way there, and with my heart and conscience in the right place. i do not have to answer to you, or anybody else for that matter, but to the people i love and God.
by gladly listening to what your media industry friends have to say about me, without even knowing me in person, you have judged me. i must say you have made a fine display of practicing what you preach, and that you have indeed beautifully honed your own skills of listening to 'both sides of the story'.
kai: thank you darling. you are my rock and i love you.
elsa: welcome to the industry dear. no woman, butt ugly or otherwise, can say what she thinks or progress up the ladder without inviting 'the talk'. be prepared for worse if you are highly-charged, passionate, idealistic and, oh, if you like to dress up. i mean... you cannot possibly have done well purely by enthusiasm or brains, can you?
you either sink, or swim. and if you decide to swim, swim to win.
dude: wise words, my friend :)
fade0: TM here does not refer to Tengku Mahaleel. it is, as outlined at the bottom of the entry, a little joke shared between chern and gang, which in this case i have used to avoid naming names or giving away too many details about what actually transpired.
i have done this to avoid causing embarassment to all the people involved, and also in the event i decide to take legal action.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
friends... & the people you thought were your friends
i dedicate this, my first proper post in a month, to my faithful readers who have taken the time and effort to surf here *everyday*... in futile search of a new post (for which i thank you).
after surfing onto absolutely-fuzzy.com, i realised i owe all of you an explanation for my absence.
i hope you will understand, but for reasons i can't reveal, i can only offer you this much...
in the past month, i've discovered:
i) that you must never trust a new friend not to turn around and plunge a well-sharpened knife in your back
ii) that you will continue to make this mistake time and time again, even after being stabbed in the back more times than you can remember, you trusting fool!
iii) that people would much rather make very public assumptions about your 'scandalous' sex life... than come right out and ask you to your face if you really are 'sleeping your way to the top'
iv) that if you try to be nice to someone, people will never believe that you only have the best of intentions, even if you really really do
v) that it's hard to keep your head up when you feel ready to Throw In The Towel TM*
vi) that it's tough to look strong and keep smiling when you know what People You Thought Were Your Friends TM really think about you
vii) that it's even tougher when the People You Thought Were Your Friends TM never had the kindness to tell you what they really thought of you
viii) that it's even even tougher when the People You Thought Were Your Friends TM never once gave you the benefit of the doubt
it's been very tempting to Throw In The Towel TM, but now i remember there's a good reason why i only keep very few friends.
there will always be someone out there quick to rubbish any good intention/idea/result/relationship/*fill in blank* you have... you just have to figure out who among the new friends you make will be worth the trouble finding out (that is, if you ever summon up the courage to make friends again).
i must admit there was also a real urge to give up the blog too... but you know what?
i'm going to be a fighter.
i want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all those who stuck by me and my hopeless blog, through one of the most challenging experieces of my life so far.
thank you especially mum and dad, my beloved kai, and a true friend if i ever had one, amir.
you are all precious to me.
*TM = Trade Mark (courtesy of Chern) or, in this case, Too Much information
after surfing onto absolutely-fuzzy.com, i realised i owe all of you an explanation for my absence.
i hope you will understand, but for reasons i can't reveal, i can only offer you this much...
in the past month, i've discovered:
i) that you must never trust a new friend not to turn around and plunge a well-sharpened knife in your back
ii) that you will continue to make this mistake time and time again, even after being stabbed in the back more times than you can remember, you trusting fool!
iii) that people would much rather make very public assumptions about your 'scandalous' sex life... than come right out and ask you to your face if you really are 'sleeping your way to the top'
iv) that if you try to be nice to someone, people will never believe that you only have the best of intentions, even if you really really do
v) that it's hard to keep your head up when you feel ready to Throw In The Towel TM*
vi) that it's tough to look strong and keep smiling when you know what People You Thought Were Your Friends TM really think about you
vii) that it's even tougher when the People You Thought Were Your Friends TM never had the kindness to tell you what they really thought of you
viii) that it's even even tougher when the People You Thought Were Your Friends TM never once gave you the benefit of the doubt
it's been very tempting to Throw In The Towel TM, but now i remember there's a good reason why i only keep very few friends.
there will always be someone out there quick to rubbish any good intention/idea/result/relationship/*fill in blank* you have... you just have to figure out who among the new friends you make will be worth the trouble finding out (that is, if you ever summon up the courage to make friends again).
i must admit there was also a real urge to give up the blog too... but you know what?
i'm going to be a fighter.
i want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all those who stuck by me and my hopeless blog, through one of the most challenging experieces of my life so far.
thank you especially mum and dad, my beloved kai, and a true friend if i ever had one, amir.
you are all precious to me.
*TM = Trade Mark (courtesy of Chern) or, in this case, Too Much information
post US election: michael moore speaks
michael moore's first words after discovering bush won...
...were the names of the thousands of american soldiers who died fighting bush's illegal war in iraq.
'may they rest in peace...'
...were the names of the thousands of american soldiers who died fighting bush's illegal war in iraq.
'may they rest in peace...'
he said,
Friday, October 22, 2004
how ironic.
on the morning of october 20th, this quote was the first thing that appeared on the screen of my bloomberg terminal:
"truth is generally the best vindication against slander."
- abraham lincoln, former american president
Sunday, October 03, 2004
celebrity trash!
when the closest you can ever get to britney spears' lips is her used cigarette butt... what do you do?
you buy it on celebcrap.com!
lol.
you buy it on celebcrap.com!
lol.
Friday, September 24, 2004
the plunge of no return.
have you ever loved someone so much your heart ached?
that you'd do anything to see him smile?
that you worry for him constantly.... is he ok? is he happy? why isn't he smiling?
that you worry about yourself constantly.... am i a good girlfriend? am i good enough for him? have i done something wrong?
that you'd try to be a better person for him?
that you'd do everything in your power not to upset him?
that you feel your heart break everytime you fail?
i think that when you feel your heart ache enough, you know you're in too deep.
you love him so much there's no turning back. no turning cold. no holds barred. no effort spared.
it's happy-ever-after or tears-thereafter.
it's a risk you'd feel was worth taking, and you'd do it again, and again, many times over... just for the joy of that single smile.
i've come this far, after so many moments of standing at the water's edge, afraid to take the plunge.
it's a scary place to be, when you can't swim and all you have is your life jacket.
or when you've taken the plunge before, and nearly drowned.
what makes the next swim worth that risk?
when you feel your heart ache this bad, you know you don't have an answer anymore.
simply because there doesn't have to be a reason.
you just take a deep breath.
and jump.
that you'd do anything to see him smile?
that you worry for him constantly.... is he ok? is he happy? why isn't he smiling?
that you worry about yourself constantly.... am i a good girlfriend? am i good enough for him? have i done something wrong?
that you'd try to be a better person for him?
that you'd do everything in your power not to upset him?
that you feel your heart break everytime you fail?
i think that when you feel your heart ache enough, you know you're in too deep.
you love him so much there's no turning back. no turning cold. no holds barred. no effort spared.
it's happy-ever-after or tears-thereafter.
it's a risk you'd feel was worth taking, and you'd do it again, and again, many times over... just for the joy of that single smile.
i've come this far, after so many moments of standing at the water's edge, afraid to take the plunge.
it's a scary place to be, when you can't swim and all you have is your life jacket.
or when you've taken the plunge before, and nearly drowned.
what makes the next swim worth that risk?
when you feel your heart ache this bad, you know you don't have an answer anymore.
simply because there doesn't have to be a reason.
you just take a deep breath.
and jump.
Monday, September 20, 2004
godmotherhood.
this post is dedicated to siti khadijah and siti aishah, aged 8 and 10 respectively, who will probably never read this entry anyway, but for whom i feel the overwhelming need to display my affection.
i think it must be the most wonderful feeling in the world to have children.
i also think most kids will be brats at some stage of their lives, and parents will have their moments where they rue the day the concieved the little monsters.
nevertheless, although ive always known that someday id really like to be a mommy, i never could have guessed how inexplicably wonderful it would feel to have two kids love me so unconditionally and genuinely with all their little hearts that it absolutely tears me apart to let them go.
of course, theyre not MY kids, and if they were, perhaps id feel differently about this altogether... what with sleepless nights, eyebags and the risk of never being fashionable again!
still, there's something innately beautiful about a child... and no, its not just that theyre pint-sized and cute or even cuddly.
it must be their open trusting faces, their wide-eyed innocence, their loving hearts so willingly and so easily placed in the care of your hands.
i never thought i was good with children. if ive ever been, its only been in the capacity of a big sister. a cheh-cheh. a sporting comrade in hide-and-seek crime.
but its different when two little girls latch on to you as they would their mother. you suddenly feel responsible for their smiles, and their tears. for their wellbeing. for their growing pains. for their uncertainty and endless questions about boys, friends, rules, puberty and even about their ayah, who is the best friend i have apart from my beloved kai.
when i last saw aishah and khadijah, and they hugged me goodbye, the tears that welled up in their eyes told me more than any words they could have strung together.
i miss those two, and perhaps the reason why im dedicating this post to them is because theyve made me realise just how lovely it would be, and how so very important it is to me, to be a mother someday.
thank you my dear girls, my queen monica and queen kookaburra, for loving me so generously the way you do.
all my love,
aunty shen.
i think it must be the most wonderful feeling in the world to have children.
i also think most kids will be brats at some stage of their lives, and parents will have their moments where they rue the day the concieved the little monsters.
nevertheless, although ive always known that someday id really like to be a mommy, i never could have guessed how inexplicably wonderful it would feel to have two kids love me so unconditionally and genuinely with all their little hearts that it absolutely tears me apart to let them go.
of course, theyre not MY kids, and if they were, perhaps id feel differently about this altogether... what with sleepless nights, eyebags and the risk of never being fashionable again!
still, there's something innately beautiful about a child... and no, its not just that theyre pint-sized and cute or even cuddly.
it must be their open trusting faces, their wide-eyed innocence, their loving hearts so willingly and so easily placed in the care of your hands.
i never thought i was good with children. if ive ever been, its only been in the capacity of a big sister. a cheh-cheh. a sporting comrade in hide-and-seek crime.
but its different when two little girls latch on to you as they would their mother. you suddenly feel responsible for their smiles, and their tears. for their wellbeing. for their growing pains. for their uncertainty and endless questions about boys, friends, rules, puberty and even about their ayah, who is the best friend i have apart from my beloved kai.
when i last saw aishah and khadijah, and they hugged me goodbye, the tears that welled up in their eyes told me more than any words they could have strung together.
i miss those two, and perhaps the reason why im dedicating this post to them is because theyve made me realise just how lovely it would be, and how so very important it is to me, to be a mother someday.
thank you my dear girls, my queen monica and queen kookaburra, for loving me so generously the way you do.
all my love,
aunty shen.
