snow.on.the.sahara

ive heard through the journalistic grapevine that parliament will be dissolved anytime between tuesday and friday next week. oh JOY.

yes, sense my excitement. my fervour. my absolute glee at reporting my first ever general election.

sorry folks, im just not IN this one. i really dont get the hype about why this is supposed to be the lifeblood of people in my profession. honestly, my blood just runs cold at the thought that by next week, ill probably be bidding a long farewell to my off-days, my sleep, my state of mind, my lucidity.

why, hello, madness...long time no see.

i guess im just not into politics. give me a nice heartrending community story, someone, PLEASE!

ive been under the weather the last two days, but today began feeling well enough to go out and buy my favourite sick-food..."mee hoon kueh".

sitting there amongst about 50 people in the coffee shop, and waiting the full 45 minutes for the oh-so-famous klang version of the soupy dish, i spied a peddler making his way towards me, holding two bottles of home prepared honey.

knowing i didnt have enough money on me to buy any, i smiled and apologized, saying i wasnt interested. he nodded his head politely and moved on to the person at the next table.

sadly, the attitude of people these days, even in a small town like klang, appalls me. these men and women, in their shirts and ties, skirts and well-coiffed hair, having their tasty lunch before heading back to work, didnt even have the common courtesy to look at the guy, much less acknowledge him. instead, some just looked ahead and ignored him , pretending they didnt hear him as he humbly asked if they wanted honey. some pushed him away. others waved him on, grumbling irritatedly at him for disturbing their meal.

ok, so they didnt want honey. what's wrong with looking at him, smiling and saying so? is it so hard to treat another human being as an equal? he's just trying to make an honest living, just like you, just like me. so he's selling honey in a coffeeshop. does that make him a lesser mortal?

i felt so small, to be sitting next to these cold hard people.

i remembered the days when klang was still small and cosy enough to find a friendly face in a sundry shop, even if the proprieter didnt know you. or when you absent mindedly stood in someone's way as they were trying to reverse a car, there would be an apologetic face peering out the window asking if you could move a little. these days you'd be lucky not to get run over by an impatient sod who's got a mini love affair with his car horn.

in the end, it was an elderly couple, dressed very humbly in tattered clothes, who bought the man's honey. and with a smile and 'how are you' too. it made me think hard about where our values have gone, for all our education, money and to-die-for careers. what's the point, really, when it means you no longer have a heart?

it seems like just yesterday that i too, was in that man's shoes, going from person to person in coffeeshops trying to direct-sell astro. yes, folks, those were the days i was trying to earn a little bit more pocket money for college. and no, it was hardly what you would call a glamorous job. and i probably didnt need the money as desperately as the honey-man did.

but even then, regardless of the product i was trying to sell and the fancy astro t-shirt, people just simply didnt give a damn. as far as they were concerned, if you were disturbing them mid-meal or mid-anything they deemed far more important than you were (and this includes digging noses, reading newspapers and staring into space ignoring you), then you could expect to be treated like a floor mat.

c'mon people, and i dont mean you folks reading this...although i hope you're not guilty of 'im-better-than-you-simply-because-im-not-trying-to-sell-you-stuff' syndrome...where's the heart? where's the humility gone? where's the smile and the simple 'no thank you'?

have we forgotten how to put ourselves in other's shoes?

*sigh*

i guess the moral of this story is: it's not what he's trying to sell, and the fact that you're not interested in buying it. it's that he's trying to make an honest-to-goodness living, and you should be appreciating him for it.

proof that the asian X games rocked malaysia last weekend...


ahmad fadzil, malaysia's golden boy at the asian X

and indeed, if you weren't there, it most certainly rocked!

here's why:

it was this year's asian X that gave malaysia its first ever gold, thanks to ahmad fadzil, a.k.a padin, who impressed the international judges in the skateboard park final, with a smooth casual style and enough 360's, grinds, and flips thrown in for good measure.

it was also the first asian x where malaysians got the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet some of the world's best X gamers and world xtreme sports champs together in one venue, either strutting their stuff in competition, or demonstrating the tricks that made them famous.

this being malaysia's last year hosting the asian X in KL, the organisers ESPN and toyota pulled out all the stops to make sure it didnt go without one hell of a bang.

at least 200 thousand malaysians and other nationalities made their presence felt at what must have been the largest X games ever held in asia.

and...

last but of course, the best reason? sheahnee got her shirt signed by...

1. the yasutoko brothers (!), aggressive inline vert world champions
2. ryan nyquist, bike stunt park X games champion
3. sandro diaz, one of the world's top skateboard vert pros
4. ahmad fadzil, malaysia's first ever and only gold medallist at the 2004 asian X
5. sasha steinhorst, former world champ and pro-skateboarder
6. sam fogarty, one of australia's top pro aggressive inline skaters
7. nicolas schopfer, the youngest competitor and crowd favourite in the aggressive inline park finals
8. ayumi kawasaki, the only female taking part in the asian X and the first ever in the aggressive inline vert
9. takayuki nakamura, only 10 years old, the youngest competitor at the asian X, who made it to the finals amongst big names like the yasutoko bros, onyl to have to bow out due to an injury
10. koji kraft, one of the USA's top pros in the bike stunt vert
11. samantha berry & son sang-wan, the female and male champs in bouldering






as you can guess, the 10 live crosses and all that autograph-chasing made this girl utterly exhausted by the end of it all.

but from the photos, you can tell it was well and truly worth it!

there are some days i know i have the coolest job in the world...and this is one of them!

(of course, barring the awful days when we're pummelled with three million assignments, boring politicians who cant speak proper english AND/OR bahasa malaysia, and functions with speeches two hours long, i SO kid you not!)

for the past three days, i have been covering the junior X games and asian X games in kuala lumpur. i went to stadium putra the first day thinking 'oh man, i cant believe im being made to cover this', and came out of the stadium today thinking 'goDAMN i cant wait til tomorrow!'

dont get me wrong. its not that i was loathing the idea of covering an event so many other people would give an arm or a leg to attend. in fact, i used to be quite a fan of extreme sport, heck, ive broken an arm skateboarding before, and once had a crazy boyfriend who broke all his front teeth on an inline skate vert ramp.

i guess i just thought it would mean all this extra work i couldnt handle, as if i didnt have too much on my plate already. and its bad enough that i was the only reporter assigned from my station to cover this ENTIRE MASSIVE event.

but you know what changed all that?

hearing first, and then seeing a stunt bike being riden off a ramp at some ridiculous speed, and then flipping 360 degrees over 20 feet in the air and landing perfectly back on the ground without so much as a wobble. and man...i was SOLD!

(add to that an exclusive interview today with the yasutoko brothers *bounce bounce*)

so what if im going to have to break my back running all over the stadium singlehandedly managing all the possible news stories from several different venues?

well folks, thats what ill be doing over the weekend. i have 10 live crosses lined up from all over stadium putra, 10 different interviews/angles to dream up, 2 days worth of boundless energy to keep up with everything and still look camera worthy while im at it.

so if any of you guys (and by that, i also mean you girls) plan to make it down to bukit jalil on either day for the asian X games, make sure you look me up ok? ill be hard to miss...all you have to do is survey the crowd for the bouncy chick who looks like she's high on something. ;)

oh, and with a poor tired cameraman running exhaustedly after her. lol.

wish me luck! :)

and so, finally, yours truly gets off her lazy butt and posts pics from the asian tv awards in singapore last december.


L-R me, tina zakaria, and arnie isa @ the asian tv awards

there's always a first for everything, they say. well, i betcha whoever coined that term didnt take into account the euphoria of walking down a red carpet as a 'celebrity'. i use inverted commas because, well, technically, neither i nor my dear arnie isa can really be considered celebrities, and so, though it may have been a first experience, it may also have well been our last *snicker*.

arnie and i probably spent more time ogling at real celebrities too. heehee.

nevertheless, it was an experience, to say the least.

for more pics of mtv vj utt, PADI, irene ang (rosie of phua chu kang fame), gurmit singh, joanna bessey, hi-five, and other random moments, see my photo album.

a note: in the pic of arnie presenting the award for 'best male comedian', gurmit singh is dressed like so because he hadnt meant to attend. when arnie announced his name, a hush went through the room as gurmit appeared from a backstage door and trudged to the podium. rumour had it earlier that he was snubbing the awards.

all was revealed when he received his prize from the ever-so-calm yet awestruck arnie, and dedicated the award to his father, who had passed on a week or so earlier, before promptly bursting into tears. he explained later that two years ago, when he won the same award, he had dedicated it to his mother. she had died, also a week earlier.

it was difficult not to shed a tear or two along with him.

so monday was my first time back in the studio since the eye op thingie, and although some people in the office remarked that something about me seemed "different", the general consensus was that "different" wasn't a bad thing.

the make-up artist, for the first time ever, actually looked enthusiastic about applying my make-up, and managed to relax enough to sing a little ditty.

i went into the studio, read the news, and you know what?

for the first time, i felt completely at ease with myself, even in front of the normally unforgiving camera.

no more tilting my head to one side to hide the squinty eye, no more worriedly glancing at the studio tv to check how obvious it was, no more having to deal with my studio director asking me why i looked so 'tired'.

for once, i was able to do my job, know i did it well, and not have my looks (or lack of them) matter.


*cheeeese!*

want to know what the best thing out of all this was?

it was, quite simply, coming to work the next day and reading all your encouraging sms's, emails and comments...it really felt good to know that people care.

thank you, my friends. i feel quite blessed.

what shen got in the mail this morning:

if any of you watch american idol, you will know who william hung is.

he's the guy who did (by that i mean sang AND danced) a disastrous rendition of ricky martin's 'she bangs'.

i admit i giggled, ok. and at one point i even closed my eyes to try to put a stop to the pain i felt for the poor guy when simon told him "you cant sing, you cant dance, what do you have to say for yourself?"

will's response made me an unabashed fan.

"i gave my best, and i have no regrets at all."

now THAT's dignity.

so yours truly promptly googles "william hung" on the net, to see what other people had to say about him, and this is how i chanced upon www.williamhung.net.

i gather this site was set up in honour of the dignity that won me over, but has anyone seen some of the tv clips, attached via links from the site, parodying the poor guy?

godammit, i got pretty mad watching a clip of some american dude making fun of william's moves. so yeah, he was bad. but if you're going to talk about the poor guy on international tv, for god's sake have some taste and be decent about it.

there's also a clip linked there of will's performance at open mic night at UC Berkeley, after his american idol do. about 400 people turned up for that, some perhaps because they too, like i, wanted to see what this guy was like in real life. but judging from the raucous cheers and laughter in the background, it seemed to me as if most of them were just there to laugh at him.

will, will. cant you see theyre laughing at you?

will has since admitted enjoying the attention, the autographs and the fact that almost 8 million visitors have surfed onto the site dedicated to him, but i wonder if he realises how many of them actually make fun of him behind his back.

i cant help but be reminded of people i knew in college who always picked on the not-so-cool guy. in front of him, they were so wannabe-macho. behind him, these im-so-cool guys turned juvy and began to parody mr-not-so-cool by pretending to drool and walk funny and say things like 'ooh, im spaaaastic'.

people like that disgust me.

so, if you ever want to inspire violence in me, all you have to do is make fun of william hung, and i promise you...i will throw my stilleto at you. count on it.

today, i shall let a webcam image speak for itself.



happy valentines' day everyone!

p.s. to those who don't celebrate, hey...its all commercialism anyway.
p.p.s. to gloria, i will forever owe you one, for making long distance ever so slightly more bearable!
p.p.p.s. to men who cheat and lie, go to hell!

im compelled to share a story with you.

i got a call the other day from the distraught wife of a guy i know, hoping to find out if i had noticed 'a change' in him lately.

had he, for example, become more quiet? did he 'disapppear' a lot? was he ever surrounded by women? was he a flirt?

how do you answer questions like that, especially when you know the answers will hurt her? you dont know for sure what he's up to, but you've seen the signs...and they all point to one eventuality...one that would result in heartbreak for the poor lady on the other end of the line.

i dont know her as well as i know him. ive only met her twice. i dont even know the husband that well, but i happen to know more about him than, it seems, his wife does. my heart filled with pity, but i couldnt bring myself to tell her the truth.

yes, he has changed. he's more quiet, more suspicious of his surroundings. he slinks around like a dog with its tail between its legs. his face reads like a guilty verdict awaiting confirmation from a jury.

yes, he 'disappears'. the day she called me, thinking he was at work, he had called in 'sick'.

no, he wasn't surrounded by women...but the phonecalls, oh the phonecalls. so many different phonecalls. so many different terms of endearment for so many different women.

a flirt? hmm. maybe. sweet talker? yes. in fact, so sweet ive heard him talk women into going for many a secret rendezvous, even after confessing he's married.

how can women do that to each other? how can men do that to their wives? or girlfriends?

how can people do that to each other?!!

i felt for her, i really did. my heart went out to her for all the pain and confusion and suspicion and doubt i know she feels, only because ive been there before. when youre 'there', you dont even know what it is you want to achieve by calling someone for answers. perhaps you want to be reassured it isnt true. perhaps you want to fool yourself into thinking the signs are all in your mind. perhaps you really do want to know where you stand. perhaps its all those reasons put together.

but...when you DO get those answers, and theyre not the ones you were praying for...your whole world closes in on you. the thought of living another second sickens you. disbelief...that the person who claims to love you could have lied through his teeth when he said it clouds your mind. pain...that the person who SWEARS he loves you AND ONLY YOU could have, only seconds before, sworn the same to someone else, overpowers you.

ever watched 'unfaithful'? fast forward to the scene richard gere's character walks into the other man's home for answers, and chances upon the snow globe he give his wife. thats the exact kind of pain, the exact sickness im talking about, that can make anyone swear off ever loving another again.

when i put down the phone, after forcing myself to remain calm and most of all, vague throughout, i resolved that this poor woman should know the truth. after all, if i were her, no matter how much the truth hurt, i would want to know.

but she shouldnt under any circumstances hear it from me, or anybody else BUT her own husband. i never wished to get involved in other people's marital affairs, but the fact that she called ME fills me with a moral obligation and personal conviction to talk to the man.

i wont tell him she called. i wont hint that she suspects. i will only ask him how much his family means to him, and whether its worth letting it all go for a few hours of lust, attention or machismo. ill let him know that people are talking, and that talk will eventually get back to her. ill suggest that he come clean to her before she hears it from anyone else.

beyond that...*sigh* i pray only that he will feel enough remorse to repent, and that she may be strong enough to face what might be her darkest days yet before her.

have you ever felt like assaulting a person at the cinema? i mean, you know, like removing your smelly shoe and violently stuffing it in their mouths, or clonking their heads with their handphones? or how about this one, locking them in a soundproof room and playing their own ringing tones BACK to them at the loudest volume possible?

so just have a guess at what im on about, why dont you.

i dont even know why some people even *bother* going to the movies, when all they do is go there to talk (and talk. and talk. oh, and talk.) even better, some feel its not enough to bother the rest of the audience by letting their handphones ring (and ring. and ring. oh, and did i say, ring?), they just *have* to finally answer it with an operatic HARRRRLOWWWWWWWW?

hello. tai lo. its hello, HELLO. not HARLOW.

get this. gaia3 and i were in the cinema today, enjoying the ultimate perv-fest that is 'the last samurai'. ok ok. not a perv-fest, a blub-o-rama. but i digress. hey. tom cruise does that to you. but yes, again i digress.

anyway.

so we get to the part where cap'n algren and katsutomo are lying, dying, on the battlefield. katsutomo asks the cap'n to help him up so that he might be able to commit harakiri, honour by suicide. the moment is cliche, rather moving; the samurai and the american hand-in-hand, sharing the inimitable bond of brotherhood. its hollywood personified. and for that, it deserved at least, a moment of hollywood silence.

and thennnn.

laughter.

i swear to god, laughter. snickering. in the back. behind me. right behind me.

the dear lord knows how badly i wished i coulda socked the man's nose. but mercy be (on his part), tom...err...i mean algren proved too much a good watch so i kept my fist safely, demurely on my lap.

later, as we walked out the cinema, i made sure i glared hard at the man for good measure. and just like i guessed, he looked a rather pathetic excuse for a man, who doesnt deserve to be sitting in a cinema in the first place.

especially since he'd be better off dangling the hefty gold chain round his neck somewhere else. like at the karaoke joint.

where whiny operatic voices should stay in the first place.

hmph.

well, its done.

i feel a bit like a one-eyed pirate, and rather self conscious about the swelling, but i went ahead and did it.

and im fine.

thank you all, so much, for the support and encouragement. i thought about every kind word id received from you guys all the way to the clinic, and it calmed the nerves a great deal.

i cant say i was crazy nervous...in fact, when the doctor came in and pronounced it a relatively easy job on only one eye (not both, as i had been previously warned), i said 'ok, doc...let's go!'

instead, to my surprise, i felt a little twang of sadness. no, maybe nostalgia would be a better word. this was, after all, the eye i had lived with and gotten used to for 24 years of my life. it was the eye i had had to pay extra attention to everytime i applied make-up for the past how many years. it was the eye that endured too much attention from my not-so-fat-or-old but very "keh-poh*" aunties. it was the eye that looked back at me in the mirror everytime i bemoaned the utter shallowness and superficiality of so many sad human beings.

as the doctor chatted animatedly with me and sang along to josh groban (yes, josh groban!) in the surgery, i thought .. rather sentimentally .. about what kai had said to me tearfully two nights ago...about missing the eyes he had looked into so many times before with so much love. he had been afraid of returning and not being able to look into the very same pair of eyes again.

i had told him in reply, that it would still be the same eyes looking back at him, only packaged differently. kind of like a particularly meaningful photograph in a different frame. changing the frame from red to blue doesnt change the memory or the meaning behind the photo. because it would be the feelings contained in the memory that meant something, not the photo per se.

thinking this gave me strength. and when the doctor began burning away the excess tissue with his laser, and no amount of local anaesthesia could stop the pain, i held onto the idea that im still going to be me. only this time im going to be more confident and less conscious about what everyone else bloody thinks about me or the way i look.

after all, its what the-people-who-care-about-me think that really matters. and if they love me, well, im truly blessed then, arent i.


*busybody

blankety blank blank.

i think one of the worst feelings in the world has got to be when you sit in front of a camera in a freaking cold studio knowing that a few thousand people are watching you...and your...mind...goes...AWOL.

gaia3 wrote about an experience recently where she wished she could probably have crawled under a carpet and stayed there till the next day.

but i tell you. if there had been a carpet in the studio just 10 minutes ago, i would have wrapped my head in it and stayed there till kingdom come. really.

it was a regular ol' run of the mill promo. ive done it a million times before. i MEANT to say "we'll be on at 12.40 a.m. instead of the normal 12.10 a.m. hope you'll join us then for another edition of 7News."

instead, i said: "a gentle reminder, we'll be on at 12.40 p.m..err...nope, a.m. sorry, apart from, nope, INSTEAD of err...our normal viewing hours (eep!). bye bye. (or see you soon! or something horrible to that effect!)

aaaarghhhh!

i suck!

blankety blank blank blank!